Dear Angel,
As a ‘newbie’ Angel you will find the world of mortals very confusing. To enable you to understand the Mortal realm and become a little less conspicuous we have written this guide to the world of Mortals and their behaviour.
Mortals appear infatuated with the outer proportions and dimensions of the shell they inhabit. This is largely due to the emphasis placed upon this by the society they inhabit. Visual appearance also ranks high on their list of obsessions and the face of a female Mortal is assumed to be an indication of their inner beauty, sensuality and sexual prowess. Our research has proved this to be totally false and misguided. Sensuality is something ALL female Mortals possess regardless of their size, colour, height, social status or education. This is the saddest aspect of living in the Mortal realm and the one thing you will find hardest to understand.
Mortals constantly strive to alter their proportions and physical appearance through irrational ideas called ‘diets’ and ‘plastic surgery’
Diets consist of three factors; they are a) Food, b) Weighing, c) Crying.
The reduction of the first leads to an increase in the second and third stages but an increase in the first has the same effect!
Plastic surgery is the practice of slicing parts of their body and discarding them, moulding and shaping themselves to fit in the same style clothes they previously wore just smaller versions.
So many Mortal women do not believe that they possess the fire that compels Angels to be so bold, confident and outrageous. We have studied them closely and it is apparent they all have these qualities but many are afraid to use them. This is due to unwritten rules on social conduct and something to do with ‘acceptable behaviour’. Bizarrely the male of the species can be as flirtatious as he likes and is given the title of ‘stud’
The male of the species also uses tools to advance his appearance; these tools are known as ‘booze’ and ‘idiot dancing’ but seem to have the opposite effect if used too much.
Make-up is a tool used by female Mortals to attract a mate. The application of this facial colouring can take several hours before a female considers herself ‘attractive’. Make-up is sold in retail outlets in every city and is usually displayed by its manufacturer or brand name. The potential purchaser can easily see what colours are available within the complete range as the sales assistant usually wears all of them at the same time.
During the mating season which lasts from December to December Mortals begin their courtship ritual. The females will display themselves by performing provocative movements on something called a ‘dance floor’. The males will gather around this arena drinking an intoxicating drink to build confidence and bravery. This consumption has to be meticulously timed before ‘Making the first move’, over consumption can cause the male to talk in an unfamiliar language; they also believe they are sexually arousing the female and that the possibility of rejection is greatly diminished. They are wrong!
Carnal Angels do not understand or follow this courtship ritual; given the sensuality, confidence, charm and impatience that all Angels possess it is less frustrating if they choose a mate and just take him.
Children and childbirth is usually the outcome of a relationship between male and female Mortals, sometimes it is the consequence of the dance floor, booze ritual. Females carry their offspring for nine months, concluding in an agonising period of pushing, panting and blaspheming. After the offspring have been produced the male invites the closest of his companions to celebrate his finest achievement with booze and cigars, the female takes no part in the congratulations as she is still in recovering from the delivery process and looking after the new arrival.
Mortal offspring start life as small creatures that cry and vomit constantly. This continues for the first eighteen years during which time the parents look forward to a time when the offspring leave the home and find their own place to live. Unable to fend for themselves, young Mortals, on leaving home return constantly for refreshment, emotional support and to have their clothing washed and repaired. This part of their development can last until they reach the age of twenty-eight or they find a mate to share the responsibility.
We hope you have found this guide useful and you are able to use its contents to improve your knowledge of the Mortal realm.
Welcome to CARNAL
Passion belongs to all of you.
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